I need to remember to...

• Listen to music more often.  Something about hearing a great song can turn even the lousiest day around, and yet I don't do it often enough.  I'm trying to get better about putting on Pandora and playing music.  The boys enjoy it too and adds some good ambiance with having the TV on.
• Shower.  I'm not even going to admit to myself how long I'm willing to go without one, but let's just say it's a major luxury.  But it's not just about hygiene- a shower gives me a chance to decompress, relax, and have some very important alone quiet time which I need so desperately.  I feel so much better after a shower.  And since it's such a rarity, I can take a long one without feeling guilty about wasting water.
• Make phone dates with friends.  This is something else that too often falls into the "I don't have time for it" category, but it's so important to stay in touch with friends, and I always really enjoy talking with them, even if it's just to listen to each other's kids screaming in the background.
• Take some me time.  I am horrible at doing this.  I never take time to myself.  But I've started making a weekly date with myself.  We don't get an channels on our TV, but I'm a big fan of the show A Big Bang Theory, which unfortunately is not available to watch online.  So every Thursday at 8pm I'm leaving my husband to fend for himself and going over to my parent's house to watch the show, sit, and do nothing.  I'm sure there are more exciting things I could be doing, but this is a first step and it feels good.

What do you (or wish you did more) to help you feel more like you?

What I Want

When my boys look back on their childhood, I want them to remember days filled with music, color, laughter, fun, love, understanding. I want them to have happy memories of happy days. I know they probably won’t even remember anything that we do right now, for they are too young, but I want to make wonderful memories that build on top of more wonderful memories, creating a wall of happiness and joy that sustains them through life. I want them to be well-adjusted, free-spirited, confident boys who grow up knowing that they are important, that they are loved. I don’t want them to ever question who they are. I want them to love life and see the joy in every day.


But… how do I do that? How do we manage that amongst the struggles of daily life, the piles of laundry that never gets folded, bills that need paid, doctors’ visits, stress, arguments, temper tantrums, dirty refrigerators, sibling rivalry, breakfast, bath time, naps, vitamins, broken toilets, cooking and cleaning?
Each day is a journey, and my goal is to give them everything, but the reality is that I often fall short. Every day I’m learning, trying, working harder to get where I want us to be. I’ve recently been reading Pam Leo’s “Connection Parenting” a life-changing book, and in it she talks about the gap between what we learn and what we are capable of doing. We have the awareness, but it takes us time to actually get into the practice. I feel like I am forever living in that gap; I’m forever thinking and learning, and always ahead of me, like a dangling carrot, is this image of what I want for, but I can never seem to get there. The picture changes, more layers are added, pushing it further ahead of me.

Still, this picture, of the future, of my boys grown up, of a home full of love and laughter and life, is what sustains me, is what keeps me focused on trying to be the best I can- more patient, more attached, more connected, more compassionate, more creative, more organized, more open, and more comfortable with who I am and who I want to be.

Our Daily Rhythm

I thought I would do a post on how we structure our days. I think it's important to have some sort of daily structure, but at the same time, I try not to become to heavily scheduled. I've been very influenced by the idea of creating a daily rhythm and this has worked really well for us. I've come up with a "schedule" that is the same every day, with mapped out areas of time for specific types of activities. There's enough structure and repetition to create a nice rhythm that makes it easy for the boys to fall into a routine, but it's open-ended enough that there is still room for choice in our activities.

Please note that the times are merely guides, and I try not to be too rigid about sticking to the exactly. Flow from one block to the next is more important.

7:00-7:15 Wake Up
Lately the boys have been waking up earlier than this. We have some quiet playtime in their rooms for a short time before heading downstairs to begin breakfast.

7:30 Breakfast
Once downstairs, I begin fixing breakfast. I ask L for help with this task. Some days he helps pick out food or set the table, other days he chooses to play. I give him the choice.

8:00-9:30 Free Play
After breakfast, I ask Lucas to help put his dishes in the sink, then we begin free play. This is just open time, but by calling it "free play", L seems so much more excited about it. I ask him what he wants to play with- some days it's something very specific, other days he just floats from toy to toy. I try to interact with them during this time, but I also allow myself some free time in this block, to do some light cleaning, check email, etc.

9:30-11:00 Project or Outing
After free play, we pick up our toys and then we have a dedicated project or an outing. I try to look at this as special time with them, and I try really hard during this time not to get on the computer or clean so as to give them my undivided attention. Sometimes I'll have an idea for a project, but usually I'll let L pick from a few options or leave it completely open-ended. I try to let L make choices as much as possible. J is too little at this point to pick, but he is starting to show interest in doing what we do, and most projects he can do with a little help.

11:00 - 12:00 Lunch

12:00 - 2:00 Quiet Time
This time fluctuates a bit depending on J's napping needs, sometimes he needs to go down sooner and so we cut lunch short or have a big snack or something to allow us to get upstairs sooner, but slowly we're getting closer to a noon-ish naptime. I get J to sleep and L gets quiet time. I would like for him to read in his room, but right now he's taking his quiet time playing on the computer. He does very well, but some days J will take a 2 hour nap and so L will spend 2 hours on the computer, which is a bit longer than I'd like. This is an area I need to work on. I either do my work on the computer during this time or close my eyes and take a little nap with J.

2:00 - 4:00 Free Play
More free play, same as above. When the weather cools off, I'd like this to be our regular out-of-doors time, but for now it's more time spent inside.

4:00 Begin dinner
This may seem early, but in order for me to keep it together, I usually start dinner around this time, while the boys continue to play.

5:00 Dinner
Boys eat, I usually eat with them, sometimes I wait and eat when M gets home from work.

6:00 Bath

6:30 Stories, Off to Bed
Both boys are usually asleep by 7.

This is how it's been going for us. Some days it works, some days we have a doctor's appointment or errand and it gets thrown off. I think we'd hit a good rhythm if we could just stay home for a few weeks, but the boys get bored and I get stir-crazy, so we have to keep resetting every few days. Still, having this as the goal means that most of the time we're fairly consistent, and that's what matters most. Also, for us it's really helped to emphasize the transitions- such as, "ok, let's clean up our breakfast dishes and then we can start free play!" It also allows me to have designated time for email/Facebook, designated offline time, etc.

We try to maintain this on the weekends as well. L goes back to school in a few weeks, so I'm not sure what our days will look like that. I'll have to alter the rhythm somewhat, but hopefully I can maintain the general idea.

Tomorrow I'll talk about our bedtime routine and sleeping arrangements.